It's nearly been a year since I last wrote anything here but it doesn't mean I've forgotton about how horrible cancer is and what an effect it has along with the treatment on the life of the person undergoing it but also the friends and family closeby. I miss my Mum terribly and things don't improve with time... the loss I've felt personally has been horrible and I know a few people who have no idea what that is like, which makes it hard to describe and for them to understand. The last time I saw Mum she was being discharged the next day... that was the day she passed away. The last night we saw each other, I met her after work at the hospital- she wanted to change her nightie and have new covers on the bed... I told her she looked really well and hadn't looked that well in ages. She looked a lot stronger and I thought we were out of the dark but Mum was worried about some surgery that was attempted on the Monday that was unsuccessul in adding a feeding bag. I spoke to the staff and they said they couldn't insert the feeding bag due to swelling (nothing unexpected) and Mum would have to go to Christie's the following week and would be arranged. The nurse mentioned that when they were trying to insert the bag they could see no signs of the cancer. I told Mum everything looked good and not to worry about anything... It would all be fine. After I left that evening... I found out Mum was having a laugh with the ward staff, as usual and looking forward to leaving... for the last time! I wish I had spent more time with Mum...but even though she had cancer and went through the treatment, that was just as bad, never thought she'd not be with us now. Mum's now a Granny for the second time and I'm so happy but at the same time so sad that she has missed out on an amazing time in my life. I've learnt to put my family first, love as much as possible and anything which is detrimental to that... to not take any part in... I will always miss you Mum x